


I was made for loving you

by iamsejinma



Series: Jicheol AU [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 5 + 1 fic yay!!, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Tooth Rotting Fluff, a slight pinch of angst (don't worry i think i botched it up anyway), mentions of bullying ( just a teeny little bit), too much cliches in one fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-24 00:20:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7485957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamsejinma/pseuds/iamsejinma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Then if I can make the starting point the ending too.<br/>So I can start with you and finish with me.<br/>Like when we hold our hands together, like a circle<br/>we are endless"<br/>- 아주 Nice (Seventeen)</p><p>or alternately<br/>5 times Seungcheol held Jihoon's hand, and that one time Jihoon did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I was made for loving you

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: OMYGOD. 15K of pure fluff and cliches. WHAT AM I EVEN DOING.  
> please don't blame me if you experience finger curling cheesiness and corniness. I tried, I really did OTL  
> oh and its crossposted in AFF: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1151548/1  
> edit (07/15/16) : it has come to my attention that there is a fanfic published earlier in Ao3 that is similar to this story and despite the unintentional similarity between these two fanfics I just really hope that there won't be any misunderstandings. :(((  
> I'll try to be more careful about what I write so as to not overstep other people's works. I really am so sorry.
> 
> So yeah, please enjoy.

1  
Jihoon doesn't want to go.  
He was clutching his mother's hands ever since they left the house up until they arrived at his new school. The walk towards it is not that far which did not give him enough time to try and convince his mom not to take him there because _"Mom, I don't like to play with other kids. They're mean."_    
He was starting to tear up as soon as he saw the small preschool where his mother is soon to leave him. He clutched his mother's hands even tighter while she tried to soothe him and say _"Baby, come on I'll come back for you later, okay?"_  
But Jihoon shook his head and tried to stop himself from crying because he is not a little baby anymore, he just doesn't want to be left in a place where he doesn't know anyone. They might just be the same as the other kids from their previous neighborhood: tall, mean and scary.   
His mother sighed tiredly, Jihoon always had a problem with meeting strangers. He would tense up and cry whenever someone he doesn't know approach him, no matter who it is. That was the reason most of the children in the playground where he and his cousin used to play in were bullying Jihoon. He would cry whenever someone wants to play with him making them stay away from him.   
The five year old sniffled and wiped his eyes with his free hand.  
As soon as they arrived at the gate, a woman who was wearing a bright yellow apron approached them with a soft smile on her face. She saw the distressed child and slowly bowed down to look into Jihoon’s eyes.   
"Hello," she said softly, she smiled at the sniffling toddler. "I'm Teacher Jaeyeon, you must be Jihoon?"   
The child nodded slowly still sniffling.   
"Do you want to play with the other kids? There are many things you can do in this preschool." the teacher said brightly.  
Jihoon shook his head and mumbled, "I don't like other kids, they're mean." His mother softly reprimanded him but the teacher only blinked her eyes and smiled widely.   
"Well then why don't I introduce you to someone and let's see if he can be your friend? If he doesn't then you can come home right away."  
The mother and the child looked confusedly at the teacher, who just smiled at Jihoon encouragingly. The child looked up towards his mom who also nodded encouragingly, "I don't see any problem there Jihoon-ah."  
Then the child, reluctantly nodded and followed the teacher, but not without insisting that his mom go with him.  
The three of them went inside the school, and towards a room full of musical instruments. Jihoon looked around in wonder because the instruments look so cool. The teacher went straight to the child who was scribbling on the corner and was facing the wall.  
"Cheollie-yah, I'd like you to meet a new friend."   
The other kid turned around as she pat his back and his wide doe eyes looked up at the teacher. She pointed towards Jihoon and repeated what she said.   
The kid who has soft black hair blinked rapidly and stared at Jihoon for a few seconds. Meanwhile the smaller child just looked down, his eyes cast downward as he waited to be judged.  
"He's cute." the kid said suddenly.   
The teacher smiled softly and nodded, nudging the child towards Jihoon.  
The black haired kid slowly stood up, making Jihoon realize that this kid is taller than him, and probably even older. He walked slowly towards Jihoon who is trying to inch away. They could see that the smaller kid is holding back his tears, which made the other child stop in his tracks and just flashed a wide encouraging smile.   
Then the two children were an arms length from each other- which is still considerably close since the smaller kid doesn't want to get closer. The older kid then held out his hand while smiling widely.  
"Hi! I'm Choi Seungcheol. I'm six years old and I like you. Do you want to be my friend?"   
The teacher only smiled approvingly at the taller kid's actions while Jihoon's mother tersely watched how her kid would react to this stranger.  
Then Jihoon spoke softly, "You want to be friends with me?"   
The older kid nodded, "Yeah! You look like a good kid, and besides my mom never introduces me to bad people." the kid said seriously, his hand still held out.  
"And if you want we can just stay and play here in the music room since no one really liked to stay here except me." the other kid chatted with his smile still etched on that face.   
Jihoon blinked at the other, his tears slowly disappearing from his eyes. He had never encountered a kid like Seungcheol, they would always insist on playing what they want and ignore Jihoon's discomfort. They would try to drag him without even asking for his permission and say mean things when he cries. He is shy and quiet whom no one really pays attention to unless they lack a teammate or something.   
But the other kid wanted to be his friend.  
So Jihoon slowly nodded removed his hold on his mother's hand to take Seungcheol's offered hand.  
"I would like to be your friend."  
[ Jihoon’s mother disbelievingly watched the two children clutch each other’s hands and made their way towards the space where Seungcheol was sitting in earlier.

Then she felt someone stand beside her, and saw the teacher watching the two children interact with a proud smile on her face.

“H-how did you do that?” she asked, a little disbelievingly. Her son had willingly agreed to play with someone who is not his cousin and who is also a complete stranger.

“I just have a feeling that those two are going to be really good friends.” The teacher said cheekily, eyes crinkling into crescents just the same way as the other kid did.

“And besides my son is a really good child. He will take care of your son just fine.” She said happily, sending a wide smile towards her.

 _Ah, I knew that kid is her son,_ she thought to herself.

And as she saw Jihoon tentatively send the older male a wide toothless smile (to which was accompanied with a slight squeal from Seungcheol’s mom) she knew that yes, these two children will be really good friends in the future.]  
  
2  
Jihoon wants to go home.  
The eight-year-old kid is trying not to cry as he is cornered by 3 older kids demanding to take his lunch.   
"Come on kid. Give us your lunch or you'll suffer the consequences." the biggest kid, probably their leader, said.  
Jihoon shook his head once more, "No!" he shouted adamantly.  
The three kids scoffed and pushed Jihoon, making him sit flat on the floor. He was trying to hold the tears back.  
"What were you saying?" the leader said whilst crouching low and taking Jihoon's collar.   
"I said no! Don't touch me, I - I'll..." the youngest tried to hide the way his voice shook.  
The kid in front of him scoffed "You'll what? Call mommy?" he said trying to sound placating.  
Jihoon struggled to get the other kid's hands off of him but his smaller stature has proved to be a disadvantage for him.  
"You don't even have friends here, no one will help you little kid." the other said snidely. The other two snickered.  
"No one will help little Jihoonie anymore."   
The small boy’s eyes watered at the other's words.   
"Awwwww look the baby is crying." the other kid sing-songed, making all of them laugh gleefully.  
"THAT'S NOT TRUE. I-- I..." Jihoon tried to say but he hiccuped and sniffled because of the tears.  
"Come on kid, don't make this harder." the kid holding his collar said. "Or do we have to teach you a lesson for you to learn?" he said as he was aiming to punch Jihoon in the face.  
"SEUNGCHEOL-HYUNG!" Jihoon shouted at the top of his lungs, hoping that the other kid will hear him, albeit not knowing where the older kid is.  
He was suddenly pushed down towards the ground that he shouted out a distressful sound.

"No one is going to help you kid. I told you, you don't have any-"   
There was a flash of white and suddenly the male in front of him was slumped on the floor with a slightly taller kid on top.   
Choi Seungcheol.  
The older kid was wearing his taekwondo uniform, and was standing on the bully who had pushed Jihoon. The bully's friends aimed to fight his hyung but was kicked at and punched by the older male as well.   
The biggest bully (the one who punched Jihoon) stood up, managed to throw a quick punch on the older male's face and aimed another at Seungcheol but was quickly deflected by the older kid. He was, then, flipped on his back. (Thank god the ground was covered in grass, or else it would be fatal)   
_Seungcheol-hyung, looks so scary_ , Jihoon noted. His body is quivering with fear.  
Not once did the older male look at him, his dark eyes trained at the bullies. His face was set hard, and he looked as frightening as a 9 year old can be.   
He crouched low towards the bully who punched Jihoon and aimed to punch him in the face.  
"Hyung, stop!" Jihoon suddenly shouted, his voice still quivering and he was still crying. His tears are continuously falling down his cheeks. Upon hearing the smaller male's sobs Seungcheol looked at Jihoon and his eyes immediately softened.   
The older kid sighed and threatened the bully, "If I ever see you near Jihoon again, I am going to hunt you and do more than what I just did to you."   
The three bullies visibly shuddered, quickly scrambled up and ran as fast as they could.   
Jihoon finally sobbed loudly as he tried to wipe his tears. He was hiding his face with both of his arms and his shoulders are shaking.   
He felt a larger and warmer body around him as he was enveloped in a warm hug by his bestfriend.  
"Oh Jihoonie, I'm so sorry I was late." the older kid said as he tried to comfort the smaller child who is shaking in his arms.   
They promised to eat lunch together in the playground inside their school grounds. Since they are in different grades now they don't usually see each other anymore, except when either one of them beg their parents to go to the other's house and play, or the few times they eat lunch or go home together.   
Jihoon was pretty excited because he was going to see his bestfriend again but while he was waiting for the older kid, the bullies had tried to corner him and demand his lunch.   
Jihoon was never the most sociable kid in his class, the only people he talks to in the school is Seungcheol and his seatmate Soonyoung. But since Soonyoung is absent and Seungcheol has taekwondo practice, he was left alone at lunch which led to this.   
"Do you want to go home Jihoonie?" the older kid said as he felt Jihoon slightly relax.   
He was answered by a rapid nod on his shoulder, making the older smile and ruffle Jihoon's fluffy hair.   
"Okay, we'll go to the nurse and ask for a slip to go out okay?"  Seungcheol stood up and helped Jihoon stand up as well, taking his hand and holding it against his.   
They received no resistance from the teachers when they asked for a slip, mainly because of the remnants of tears in Jihoon's face and they knew Seungcheol through his mother, who was also a teacher. They helped the two children gather their stuff and notified their parents about the situation.  
They tried to protest when Seungcheol and Jihoon insisted on walking to their houses but the two children insisted. And when they tried to tell Seungcheol's mom through the phone she laughed it off and told them to head straight to Jihoon's house immediately.   
So the two children walked out the school with their bags on their back and with comfortable silence surrounding them.  
Seungcheol is trying to get something in his bag trying to dislodge their clasp hands – which were not released since ever since the taller kid held it after the incident – but Jihoon visibly whined and held onto his hand tighter.   
The older male squeezed Jihoon's hand and proceeded to scramble inside his bag with his other free hand. After a few more minutes of struggling the older male took out a handkerchief.   
Seungcheol then stopped walking and leaned close to Jihoon, wiping the remnants of tears (and snot) on the younger kid's face. His smile is soft and tender, but his face was blemished by a scratch - probably because of the punch the bully managed to land on the older boy’s face.  
"Hyung, you're hurt." Jihoon said, reaching up to tentatively gauge the wound.  
Seungcheol just smiled and waved Jihoon's hand away. "S'nothing. It doesn't hu- ow! Jihoon!"   
The smaller kid poked the skin around the wound and pouted at Seungcheol. "Why are you lying hyung? You got hurt because of me."   
There were fresh tears on Jihoon's eyes, but it was completely stopped by the older male's words.  
"Don't cry Jihoonie. I don't care if I get punched or beaten as long as I can protect you."   
The eight-year-old's lips quivered, forming into a cute pout. He looked down and just stared at their intertwined hands, he was so thankful to have Seungcheol as a friend.  
"Come on, lets go home Jihoon-ah." Seungcheol said as he walked forward and tugged Jihoon through their linked hands.   
Not once did either of them let go.  
  
  
[They arrived at Jihoon's house, and as soon as his mother was done lecturing them into not fighting (this was mostly directed to Seungcheol), their wounds were treated by Jihoon's mom and they were able to eat cookies, again courtesy of Jihoon's mom. They spent the rest of the day playing and watching cartoons in the living room.   
But as the sky got darker, the older boy has to go home to his house and bid goodbye to Jihoon.   
They were standing on Jihoon's porch as Seungcheol hugged his bestfriend and waved goodbye.   
Jihoon bit his lip and ran towards his bestfriend, eventually catching up to him and tugging the older male's uniform. Seungcheol looked confused up until Jihoon got on his tiptoes and kissed Seungcheol's cheek, just near the wound from the punch earlier.  
"Thank you for saving me earlier hyung." the younger kid said softly, his lips in a wide grin and his eyes are turned into beautiful slits.   
Then Jihoon ran back towards his house leaving Seungcheol blushing at the other's gate.]  
  
3  
  
Jihoon wants to die.  
Or maybe just rip his head from his body just to make it stop throbbing.  
Jihoon is fifteen when he happened to have the worst fever ever. His body is aching and he is sweating buckets.   
His mom checks on him from time to time, making sure that the cloth on his forehead is rinsed and washed to cool his temperature.   
He was also coughing and sniffling, which makes it difficult to breathe. His eyes hurt from too much light and he can't even move a muscle.   
_Gods can't he just rest peacefully?_  
There was a knock on his door, he glanced at the clock on his side table which reads 10:30 pm. It’s either his mom has now been checking on him every 5 minutes or there is someone else in their house at this untimely hour.   
He grunted as an answer, hoping that it is not a burglar or whatever because he seriously does not have enough energy to deal with this now.  
But as the door opened, he was greeted by a the sight of his bestfriend in a tuxedo (which just looks really good in him, gods help this guy) and his dirty blonde, brownish hair is styled up just enough to show the older male's handsome face (and no, Jihoon does not have enough energy to deal with _this_ kinds of feelings as well).  
"I actually thought you were just faking it, just to get an excuse not to go to prom." Seungcheol said as he walked inside the room with no qualms whatsoever and settled in the free space of Jihoon's bed.   
He tried to send his bestfriend the most unamused face he can muster, which may not be effective since he is still sniffling and then he is coughing one second later.   
Seungcheol immediately signaled the younger to lean forward and patted his back softly, enough to soothe his lungs and to stop the coughing. Then he offered a tissue to Jihoon, who was still glaring at him by the way, but took it nonetheless.  
"Ugh. Do you really think I would go to this length just to avoid prom?" Jihoon said, after wiping his nose and immediately throwing it to the garbage can.   
"Yes." the older male answered without hesitation, and his eyes alight with a playful and mischievous glint.  
"Hey! Why would you think that?" Jihoon whined said, his eyes trained at the older male who was now looking straight at him.  
"Well, you're literally the only person I know who is not at least a bit interested in going to the prom." the older male said as he settled Jihoon back, to lie in his bed. He has this expression where his eyebrows are arching up as if challenging him to deny such accusation.  
"What? You didn't even go to your own prom last year!" Jihoon said petulantly - because of course he is not going down without a fight. He tried to stop the pout forming on his lips as he watched the older shake his head and take the cloth on his forehead to rinse it in a basin full of cold water conveniently placed at his bedside.   
"Well, I had no date, so what's the point?" Seungcheol said as calmly as he could and then tossed the cloth to Jihoon's forehead with a loud smack, making him wince at the sudden cold.   
"Hyung!" he whined, making Seungcheol laugh and arrange the cloth correctly, to lay it gently on Jihoon's forehead.   
"Ah. How I miss my little, shy Jihoonie. Now all that is left is a whiny and sassy Lee Jihoon whom half the school population is afraid of." the older male said wistfully as he ruffled the younger's hair making Jihoon growl (but in reality he looked like a kitten trying fight its owner).   
As they moved to high school, Jihoon had finally tried to stop everyone from bullying him by sass and utter intimidation. He is smart and snarky, finally earning him the title of the little demon because he is ruthless when it comes to sassing other people who tries to bully him.   
It must have started when they befriended an even younger Jeju native Boo Seungkwan, who is small and young like Jihoon but has never been bullied.   
Since then the two became really close and thus gave birth to a new snarky and sassy Jihoon who is not afraid of anyone who tries to bully him.  
And of course, there is the other threat of Choi Seungcheol - the youngest black-belter in the taekwondo team - coming after them once they cross his bestfriend.   
So yeah, high school has been pretty eventful for both of them.  
"What is that supposed to mean?" the younger said as he tried to settle into a comfortable position. But his demeanor changed into something wistful (because fuck hormones and fuck his fevered mind).  
Noting the change of atmosphere, Seungcheol smiled widely and took the smaller boy in his arms for a tight hug. "You don't have to sound like that Jihoon-ah! To me you're still my precious little Jihoonie!" the older male sing-songed.  
"Hyung! Let go of me you're going to get yourself sick. And _don't make fun of my height_!" Jihoon whined and grumbled in his chest trying (in vain) to push Seungcheol away. But of course Seungcheol is much much bigger and stronger (and really warm and comfortable) that made him unable struggle away.  
"You've made me really worried earlier Jihoon-ah. I thought you were really dying." Seungcheol whispered in his ear, as his hands made their way to the small of Jihoon's back and comfortably rest them there, making their bodies press closer.   
Jihoon's fever addled brain took notice of the older man's attire and his own old t-shirt and baggy sweatpants ensemble, trying to rationalize the difference. Then after a few minutes of relishing in each other’s warmth, it finally hit him.  
"Weren't you supposed to go the prom?!" Jihoon asked, completely forgetting everything entirely. Such is the effect of Choi Seungcheol to him.   
The older male had this tendency to center all Jihoon's attention onto him and ignore all the others. And gods these feelings are getting harder and harder to hide each day.  
"Eh. I don't want to go anymore." the older male shrugged his shoulders, sounding nonchalant.   
"WHAT? No, you still have time if you leave now hyung." Jihoon said as he tried to push the older male away and hopefully out of his bedroom. Ever since the teacher had announced the details of their prom, the older male had been quite excited, always pestering Jihoon about going to the prom and all the other jazz.   
Frankly, Jihoon did not have much interest on those kinds of things, because despite the brazen attitude he shows in the school, he is still really shy and awkward to this kinds of stuff.  
However, Seungcheol is different. He got prom invitations everyday without miss. The girls were the one who were asking him to go to the prom with them (to which Jihoon is insanely jealous with because he is lowkey possessive of his ~~boy~~  bestfriend okay?). But the handsome male politely declined every single invitation and just relentlessly pestered Jihoon to go to the prom.  
But alas, Jihoon got sick and actually got the excuse not to go to this wretched event.  
"Come on hyung, weren't you the one really excited for this prom?" the younger tried to argue, as he weakly pushed the older male away. To which was answered with a low sound of protest from Seungcheol.  
"I don't want to go anymore Jihoonie." the older childishly buried his head in Jihoon's shoulders, tightening his arms around the younger male like a clingy koala. "Besides, I don't want to be the third wheel between Seokmin and Soonyoung."  
Jihoon snorted, sympathizing a little with Seungcheol - having been subjected to being the third wheel of the said couple for far more times than he can even count.  
"You should have at least accepted one of those girls who asked you then. So you could've a date." he tried to sound nonchalant. No jealousy at all. Seungcheol may be his best and long-time friend, but he does not have any right to control the older's actions. That's why he is going to push the older into going to the prom, no matter how much he wanted to tell Seungcheol to just stay here with him.  
The taller grumbled an incoherent reply and shook his head petulantly.  
Jihoon heaved a deep sigh, sometimes he can't help but doubt who is older between the two of them. Especially in times like this.  
"Hyung. At least let go, you'll get sick if you don't." he chastised, but there is a nagging part at the back of his head to just push their bodies closer and just never let go, ever.  
"But Jihoonie you're so warm." those arms were tightening slightly, carefully so as to not crush Jihoon but tight enough for Jihoon to feel every breath the older takes and the heartbeats inside the older's ribcage.  
And Jihoon doesn't know whether it was just his imagination but the older's heartbeats were just as fast as his own.  
"Besides, I have strong immunity. I don't get sick that easily." Seungcheol said proudly, he can almost feel the older's wide smile full of eye playfulness and mirth.  
The younger shook his head in resignation. The older can be so stubborn whenever he wants to be, so he just has to force the other to dislodge then.  
Just as he was about to execute his carefully elaborated plan - that is to bite the elder's shoulder which is conveniently in front of him - the older beat him.  
"Well I'll let you go if you agree to do one thing." Seungcheol said slowly, as if he was struck with a very bright plan.  
Jihoon stilled because normally whenever the older comes up with these kinds of ‘bright ideas’ it normally leads to either mortification for both parties or just plain embarrassment on Jihoon's part.  
He meant to immediately say no to whatever the older guy was planning, but what actually came out of his traitorous mouth was a soft resigned "What?"  
_God he is so whipped_ , he internally cried.  
"Dance with me." the older said, softening his hold onto Jihoon’s body only to flash a wide smile towards him. And there goes all of Jihoon's thought processes, probably thrown out the window of his room.  
Thankfully he has enough brain cells to ask Seungcheol, "What?"  
He is so not ready for this kind of talk, he is sick for goodness sake.  
"Come on, just one dance. This way both of us don't essentially miss the best part of the prom." the older said as if whatever he is saying is making any sense.  
"Hyung. I told you, you should go to the prom. I'm fine by myself." he tried to sound as convincing as he could, but he can't even find it in himself to urge the older to leave.  
"Well, I don't want to go there without my bestfriend anyway." Seungcheol said, shrugging his shoulders and smiling softly. His eyes all gentle and tender, making Jihoon feel funny inside.  
Before he can even say anything, Seungcheol was standing up and pulling Jihoon's arms to force him to stand up.  
Of course Jihoon can't possibly deny his hyung whatever he wants to do, so he took a tentative step out of the confines of his comfortable bed.  
Seungcheol sent a wide smile, his features lighting up like the sunshine. His deep dark eyes looking into Jihoon's own with full brightness.  
Surprisingly his knees did feel weak but not enough for him to collapse into a heap of Jihoon onto the floor, but enough to accompany the butterflies in his stomach.  
He can't take his eyes away from the older male's stare. Their bodies slowly gravitating towards each other like magnets.  
Seungcheol took his hands and held it tight on his own. The older's other hand wrapped around his waist, pressing their bodies close just like it did earlier.  
Jihoon knew they looked really silly, swaying along a song only the two of them can hear. They may even look like an old couple by their posture (Seungcheol was supporting Jihoon) but he found it in himself not caring about it whatsoever because he had never felt more comfortable than he did now.

He felt the older male guide their joined hands towards his chest, just at the place where he can feel the his bestfriend’s thundering heartbeats. He avoided any eye contact with the taller male, looking anywhere else but Seungcheol.  
He braved to look at their reflection on his window, and he was greeted by two people enveloped in an embrace. The one was wearing a black tuxedo, looking like a perfect prince while the other was wearing a tatted shirt and baggy sweatpants.  
The contrast made him snort softly and sigh heavily. Up until now he can still feel the difference between the two of them.  
Seungcheol is perfect, in the simplest sense. He is a well-rounded student. Sure he doesn't top his class like Jihoon does but he has exemplary grades and is the president of taekwondo club in their school. Everyone likes him and wants to be his friend. He is a gentleman which makes all of the girls in their school swoon.  
Meanwhile, Jihoon is the sassy demon who is posing to be the next student council president. He is snarky and almost everyone is scared of him. But deep down, he is still that awkward and shy kid whom Seungcheol befriended 10 years ago.  Who was bullied and had now used snark and sass as weapon against bullies.  
As if sensing the younger's self-deprecating thoughts. Seungcheol took both Jihoon's hands and guided them around the older's neck and took the younger's face in his much larger one’s, forcing him to look into Seungcheol's deep chocolate brown eyes.  
Jihoon's heart stuttered at the sudden action. His head a bit dizzy at the proximity between the two of them.  
"Jihoon." Seungcheol whispered ever so softly, Jihoon had a half-thought that he just imagined it.  
Whilst holding the older male's gaze, finding it physically incapable to take his eyes away from him, Jihoon hummed in reply.  
"Do you want to know why I did not want to go the prom tonight?" Seungcheol whispered, his voice lowering that Jihoon can feel the vibrations in each of the older male's word.  
"W-why?" he stuttered in response, finally breaking the intense stare, only to look down to hide his blush from the his bestfriend’s scrutiny.  
Seungcheol's hands went down and wrapped itself back onto the small of Jihoon's back – resting there warmly and comfortably.  
"Because the person who I wanted to ask me, is not even the least bit interested in going to the prom. So of course, I naturally pestered him to go anyway planning to finally confess there." Seungcheol's tone tried to become playful, but there is a small hint of nervousness and hesitation.  
"Because the only person who I badly wanted to go is now sick and has to stay at home to rest." he whispered and now Jihoon had confirmed that the rapid heartbeats he feels are not just his own, but Seungcheol's as well.  
"Do you finally get what I want to say Jihoon-ah?" the older male said as tenderly as possible. His lips dangerously close to the skin behind Jihoon's ear, making him shiver slightly.  
Jihoon buried his head on the taller male’s warm chest, trying to gather his thoughts. Everything is too much at the same time, there is a really big possibility that his bestfriend may reciprocate whatever he is feeling towards the older male.  
He took a deep breath, taking a whiff of the elder's scent, just a small hint of cologne that both of them liked.  
"Please tell me, that you are real and not just a hallucination sent to torment me. And that you are saying what I'm thinking you were saying." Jihoon finally said after beats of silence. He knew his voice weak and vulnerable, leaving everything out there. His heart finally laying out for Seungcheol to see.  
"I don't know Jihoon-ah." the older said playfully, and gods now isn't the right time to play around, Jihoon internally cried.  
So he loosened his hold around the older's neck and smacked the older right in the chest (quite a bit hard, considering the older's wince - serves him right).  
He thinks he's going to strangle the older male if he was just kidding around.  
(That, or Jihoon is not going to talk to him and just wallow in his misery of having the misfortune of such kind of bestfriend. And worse liking that said bestfriend)  
"I swear if you were just pl-" he started but was interrupted by the older male.  
"Yes."  
Jihoon stopped and frowned, finally looking up at Seungcheol. He knew he has that slight crinkle in his nose that he has whenever something confuses him or whenever he is in deep thought. Seungcheol can't help but think how adorable the smaller looked like that.  
"Yes? What do you mean yes?" Jihoon finally said, eyes blinking rapidly in confusion.  
Seungcheol smiled even wider and inched closer to Jihoon's face. He finally removed his hands that were cradling Jihoon’s face only to crawl them towards Jihoon's and taking hands both of it into his – noting the stark difference between Seungcheol’s hard, calloused hands and Jihoon’s smaller and softer hands.  
"Yes." he whispered before leaning in for a kiss.  
  
[ However, a hand slapped between their lips to which Jihoon belatedly realized as his own. He opened his eyes (he never knew when he closed them) and looked into Seungcheol's confused ones.

He cleared his throat and mumbled, "I have a cold hyung. We can't.. um.. kiss because you know germs and..." Jihoon scratched the back of his neck, his cheeks never felt so hot. He knew he looked as red as a tomato. He did not even want to look at Seungcheol's face .  
He was surprised then when he heard a bark of laugh and his face was suddenly turned upwards. He was met with Seungcheol's lips just a hairsbreadth away from his own. The older male's eyes were shining with adoration and -  
  
  
love.  
So he didn't resist when Seungcheol finally pressed his lips onto Jihoon's into a soft and tender kiss.  
  
  
The next day, Seungcheol went down with the flu. To which Jihoon merely shook his head and just snuggled up towards his very sick _boyfriend_ (of course not without a smug ‘I told you so’). They were isolated by both their families in Jihoon's room in fear of contaminating them with flu.

Both parents didn’t seem that fazed when Seungcheol announced that they are boyfriends, they merely shooed them away from the living room. But as soon as the parents thought that the new couple was out of earshot, there were series of groans and one happy whoop. Turns out their parents bet on when they will get together, and apparently Jihoon’s father won the bet.

“Unfair! We were the one who set them up!” both mother’s whined loudly.]  
  
4  
  
Jihoon can't remember the last time he was this nervous. He bounded off the bus with his red bulky backpack safely on his back. He waited his turn to get his luggage from the bus compartment.  
He took a deep breath as he readied himself to face what would be his environment for the next four years. Surely, Seoul is far more different than his quiet hometown in Busan. And he knew all his family's fussing on how he can cope with the sudden change in the environment is not unfounded.  
But then again he has Seungcheol.  
The older one, who is now also his boyfriend, who is a year older than him and had already graduated last year. He left their hometown to go to a university in Seoul through a scholarship almost a year earlier.  
The older male did not really care about what university he will be in, but that school was what Jihoon has been aiming for due to its notable music curriculum.  
  
  
_"I'd probably take whatever course in the university you've been eyeing at." the older nonchalantly said, when Jihoon once asked what the older's plan for college was, right when the other fourth years were panicking for college applications and possible scholarships.  
To which Jihoon clearly protested on, "Hyung, you can't just leave your future uncertain like that."  
Seungcheol shook his head and Jihoon knew that the older will petulantly stay silent to try and end this conversation.  
But Jihoon was not having any of that.  
He forced his head upwards, away from the comfort of Seungcheol's shoulder to look at the older male straight in the eye.  
"Hyung, you do know that I don't want you to compromise your future just for me." he said seriously, noting the change in the older's emotions from playful to serious. Seungcheol straightened up, his eyes missing the usual mischief but was replaced with a more mature brooding look.  
This was not the first time he had seen that look on the older's face, but it was the first time that he was the one who had triggered it. Seungcheol normally has that kind of look whenever he was pressured by his father to do more, to achieve more. And, Jihoon would give anything to take back the light in the older's eyes.  
"I'm not and I promise you I wont, believe me Jihoonie." the older said seriously but the smaller male still seemes to be unable to believe him. This made Seungcheol sigh and lean his head back, looking at nothing in particular.  
If Jihoon has anxiety in social situations and such, Seungcheol always had qualms on what to do in the future. Especially considering that he is the oldest child and thus, there are certain responsibilities and expectations that he had to meet. He always thinks that he can't depend on anyone regarding this thoughts. Thus, he tends to just keep it to himself, hiding it in his playful and mischievous self.  
To which Jihoon, understands wholeheartedly. He had seen how the older male had the tendency to fulfill the expectations and be a good son to his parents. He knows that the older only means well. But he just wanted to be the person the older male leans to. To tell all of his qualms and fears, to share each and every thought.  
"Besides, I hear that school has a good curriculum for Medicine. I just really have to find what I really wanted to do." the elder looked earnest and serious that Jihoon did not have the heart to argue anymore.  
_  
  
And so, after nervewracking months of waiting for university grants, they finally received the letter from the university they had both been aiming for. And of course, Seungcheol was accepted.  
But this also meant that his boyfriend was away for most of Jihoon's last year in high school. Him staying in Busan to finish high school, while Seungcheol moved to Seoul to start college.  
Thus, their first year as a couple can only be described with numerous texts, late night phone calls and video calls.  
Though Jihoon would vehemently deny it to anyone who dared to ask, he did miss the older male terribly.  
Sure Seungcheol went home for the Christmas break but of course it was not enough. The taller male had to spend time with his family as well, and Jihoon was busy with college entrance exams and working in the student council as president.  
They could only do so much for that limited time which made him even sad (but shh don't tell the older male that) when Seungcheol had to leave again but not without a promise that he'll definitely follow the older male to Seoul.  
So now, Jihoon is finally here. He got accepted in the same university that Seungcheol is in and he cannot wait to see the older man.  
"Jihoon!" a very familiar voice called to him, he tried to hide his smile as he slowly faced the direction towards the source of the voice only to be greeted by a very tall, warm body enveloping him in a big hug.  
He reciprocated the hug and placed his hands on the older male's waist and buried his face on Seungcheol's shoulder. Yes, he did miss Seungcheol's warmth and his scent that Jihoon almost thought he forgot.  
"I missed you so much Jihoonie." the older whispered into his ears. His voice enveloping Jihoon's body like a warm summer breeze.  
"I'm sure you did." he replied with a small smile on his face.  
The taller male barked a laugh and tightened the hug slightly before letting go. Jihoon almost pouted from the loss of warmth, almost.  
He was greeted by a bright and wide smile etched in the older's face. His hair is now colored dark gray-ish and styled hastily, making it messy but still making him ridiculously handsome. He seemed to be much taller (while Jihoon brooded on his still shorter height) and he seemed more confident.  
He sent a wide smile towards the older male, making him stop a bit and look at Jihoon incredulously.  
"Am I seeing it right? My Jihoonie is smiling? Without a poor soul as a human sacrifice for his happiness?" the taller male said playfully, his eyes crinkling and shining with happiness.  
Gods how Jihoon missed that bright smile.

"You better savor that then, because the next time it will be at your expense." Jihoon said, smile widening even more as he heard the older laugh loudly.  
And here, the companionship and comfort they shared for years of being close friend is back, and it's not like they spent a year without being with the other.  
"Oh, I really missed you Lee Jihoon." Seungcheol said after laughing hard.  
His throat slightly constricted, making Jihoon look away to hide his blush from the taller male. "I think you've said that already."  
"I know." the older replied, his smile turned gentle, "I just can't believe that you're really here."  
"Well, I'll be here for the next four years so you'd better be ready for that then." he replied trying to divert the conversation and distract the older with banter.  
"Oh, whatever shall I do? Four years with me at Jihoon's mercy? Oh what a poor strike of fate!" the older dramatically said, holding his chest for a good measure.  
"Hyung, you're too dramatic. Can you take me now to the dorms?" he said with a slight slap to the older's chest.  
"Okay, then follow me Jihoonie!" the older male said cheerfully.

  
 ♥♥

  
Since the university also comes with dormitory accommodations for students, Jihoon is not surprised that the dorm is jam-packed with first year students like finding their rooms or older students like Seungcheol just loitering around.

Seungcheol led him to the left side wing of the dorm where there are even more students crowding a bulletin board which he guesses is the room assignment.  
He braved to squish himself into the crowd in order to find his room assignment. His shorter height (he begrudgingly cursed) is proved to be quite an advantage to find spaces to fit himself and push himself forward. Plus, his backpack serves as a cushion in case somebody pushes him in the back (or he can just hit them with his trusty backpack). So after quite the struggle, he got to the front and rapidly scanned the list for his name.  
He found it in the middle, Room 509. And he was rooming with a Jeon Wonwoo who is also a freshman taking journalism.  
He just hoped that his roommate is not a douchebag or something. Then maybe he can go through college peacefully.  
After, gathering the information on his room assignment he quickly got out of the crowd and heaved a deep sigh when he reached the older male who leaned on one of the pillars while waiting for him.  
"I'm in Room 509." he informed Seungcheol who nodded and said "I know." hiding his laughter at Jihoon's expression.  
"What?" he said, and if his mouth is slightly open then he blames it all on Seungcheol.  
"I already checked that earlier. I know your room number and who your roommate is." the older said finally chuckling at the way Jihoon sputtered in shock.  
"You should've told me earlier! Don't you know how difficult it is to squish myself in that crowd of rowdy boys?" he said a little angrily, and no he did not stomp his feet because he is a matured man. So he just pouted and crossed his arms petulantly.  
"Aw. I'm sorry Jihoon-ah. In my defense, you did not even ask me." Seungcheol said as a matter-of-factly. Jihoon glared at the older male and turned around to try and find his way around the dorms by himself.  
No, he's not really angry maybe just a little grouchy because that time he spent in the bus towards Seoul is not a joke, so don't blame him if he is a little grouchy okay?  
"Jihoon! Wait, you left your luggage!" the older called behind him, now sounding sobered up from his laughing fit and trying to catch up to Jihoon's steps.  
Then he felt a hand grip his arms, now he was being dragged by Seungcheol by the arms while the older is holding the luggage using his other hand.  
He knew he can never really stay mad at the older male. And as he looked at the taller male's broad shoulders and back, he silently acquiesced and let himself be dragged.  
(Curse Seungcheol and his really muscled back and torso that Jihoon can't stop ogling at.)

  
♥♥

  
Just as Jihoon and Seungcheol settled all his stuff in one side of the room, his roommate - Jeon Wonwoo, his mind supplied - had arrived.  
The male was tall ( _WHY DO THEY ALL HAVE TO BE SO TALL?_ Jihoon internally cried) and sports an emotionless face even while greeting them.  
"Hi I'm Jeon Wonwoo your roommate. I hope we'll have a great time as roommates." the other male said monotonously, bowing slightly – his eyes never showing any hint of emotion except boredom and vague disinterest.  
Jihoon bowed and nervously said, "I'm Jihoon. Just a heads up, I'm actually a Music major so I hope you're not averse to occasional music."  
The other male shook his head, and shrugged silently – he made his way towards the other side of the room and settled his bags, Jihoon already did on the other side. "I don't really mind." he said coolly.  
Then he looked at Seungcheol, most probably wondering why there is another person in their room.  
"Oh, and um this is Seungcheol. My - " Jihoon slightly paused, one year together and he still can't say it out loud without melting into a puddle of Jihoon to the floor, "- uhm, my bestfriend."  
Okay, he knew that was totally uncalled for, and the slight change in the older male's face proved that.  
But, ugh, Jihoon just says the stupidest things at the most inconvenient times.  
"I-i mean, m-my boyfriend." he finally said, his cheeks warming up into what is an undeniably deep blush that reached up until his neck.  
He did not miss the way Seungcheol look at him, his eyes widening slightly. And he obviously cannot miss the way the older male's lips upturn into a small smile and his eyes brightly twinkled in delight.  
Ugh, Jihoon is so whipped.  
Fortunately, Wonwoo just stared at the two of them. Jihoon can't tell whether it was judging or if his roommate just really looks at others like that.  
"Cool, I guess my boyfriend can stay here sometimes as well." he finally said, his lips slightly tipping upwards.  
Jihoon internally heaved a deep sigh of relief. Right then he knew that this person will be the perfect roommate and (hopefully) friend in college.  
"Nice to meet you, Wonwoo-ssi but we'll take off first." Seungcheol suddenly said, flashing his roommate a wide smile as he took Jihoon's arm and guided him outside the door.

  
♥♥

  
The older male kept on walking, dragging him to god knows where. He was led out of the dormitory to an unknown road opposite to where they just came from. They continued walking towards a busy street, which is thankfully not that packed.  
But as soon as they reached an intersection, they were swamped by people making Jihoon slightly overwhelmed because there are just too many people that are jampacked one place.  
He genuinely feels that he is going to get lost and be separated from Seungcheol, considering the number of people. And he may begrudgingly admit it, but his height had now proved to be a great disadvantage because he can be easily swamped and hidden by this unbelievably large group of people.  
Thus, he gripped Seungcheol's shirt sleeve so as to ground himself and not let himself get lost in his first day in Seoul. Seungcheol glanced at the hand on his sleeve and then at Jihoon who was purposely not looking at the older male. His cheeks were hot because even up until now he is still very shy about skinship - both in public and in private.  
Then as they crossed the intersection his feet are fully uncooperative and he trips on air. This made him grip the other male's muscled arms instead for more leverage (and Jihoon internally cries because this man's arms are so firm and muscled, and he SHOULD NOT HAVE THIS KINDS OF THOUGHT RIGHT NOW).  
Finally giving up the pretense of waiting, Jihoon finally asked the question, "Where are we going hyung?"  
The older male only sent a him a secretive smile, only shrugging and vaguely answering, "Someplace I wanted to show you."  
The sun is now setting, the streets of Seoul are slowly lighting up. The hustle of cars in traffic, the bright colorful signs in each store they pass, the vibrant LCDs showing either faces of beautiful models or advertisements of different products. This kind of scene was what he saw only in TV shows or in movies but here he is right now in the middle of everything.  
They continued walking about two more blocks until they reach a park. There were fewer people in it than in the streets of Seoul. Most of the people here are group of friends just hanging out, couples enjoying their time (or making out, there is no in between) and people looked like they just wanted to rest for a while.  
After five more questions with the same meaning, 'Where the hell are we going Seungcheol?' the older male finally stopped and placed himself in front of Jihoon, effectively blocking the younger male away from whatever is in the front.  
"Do you know why I took you to this place?" the taller male whispered, he was slowly walking forward towards Jihoon.  
"I hope you didn't take me here to murder me because I have no energy to fight you off, considering the distance we walked earlier." he joked, taking in the way the older male laughed, his pink plump lips spreading to show the most perfect set of white teeth. His eyes shining with the same emotions he had grown accustomed to the entire time they became friends, and now boyfriends.  
"I saw this place while I was wandering off around. I clearly did not know where to go and I just felt a little lost, but then I found this. And do you know what came into my mind?" he said ignoring Jihoon's attempt at distracting him. His smile is still wide and his eyes tenderly looking right at him, as if staring straight into his soul. And Jihoon can't feel his legs anymore - which may or may not have turned into jelly probably because of the amount of walking they did (certainly not because of the man in front of him, slowly closing in and leaning towards him. No, certainly not)  
"Don't tell me you took me here to make out." he deadpanned, this is what he is good at – diverting the conversation so as to give him the slight upper hand.  
"Well, that maybe the second." Seungcheol playfully answered, which earned him a nonthreatening glare from Jihoon, accompanied with the dark flush across the younger male's cheeks.  
"But the first thing that came to my mind is that you would have loved to have seen this." then he stepped aside, letting Jihoon see the sight in front of him.  
The night had fully set making the lights in Seoul shine even brighter, but they weren't in the middle of those lights anymore. Instead they are looking down to it as if gazing at it from above. The lights are combined into a cacophony of colors, shining towards them like stars. The streets of Seoul had never looked more pretty to Jihoon. It was a picture like he had never seen. A view entirely different from what he had seen in the television or in the pictures, but it was of the same place.  
He smiled happily and turned towards his boyfriend, he sent a wide smile towards Seungcheol feeling giddy and really really happy to be sharing this with the older male right now at this moment.  
He turned his gaze back towards the view, trying to mentally take a picture of this and keep it inside his head forever, to remember this exact moment and to etch it inside his mind.  
"You know you've never said you missed me." Seungcheol said, his voice melodious to Jihoon's ears. His cheeks are upturned because of how much he has been smiling, and there is a slight crinkle in his eyes.  
Jihoon snorted, and looked away. He can slowly feel the thundering heartbeats inside his ribcage. And the butterflies had started to flail inside his stomach into a wild dance of some sort.  
He wet his lips and cleared his throat to hide his nervousness. But as he took a shaky breath he knew it was all for naught because of the way his cheeks are burning up.  
"Who says I did?" he tried to say coolly, trying to be nonchalant and aloof about it (maybe his roommate can teach him how to do it so easily).  
"I'm hurt. My boyfriend doesn't even miss me?" the older male feigned a sob hiding his face in both of his arms as if an overgrown child crying.  
"Hyung, don't be so loud. You're making a scene." he tried to shush the older male but Seungcheol only continued to fake a cry and sob loudly.  
"I won't stop crying until you tell me you miss me." the taller male said in between fake hiccups and fake sobs. Sometimes, this hyung really knows how to act childish.  
Heaving a deep and long-suffering sigh, Jihoon cleared his throat and bit his lips as he tried to gain courage just to say those three words.  
"I... I really missed you, hyung." he finally said after a few stuttering and incoherent mumbling.  
Finally the loud (fake) sobbing stopped and as the older removed his arms in front of his face, the taller male was sporting the biggest and smuggest (?) smile he had ever seen.  
Jihoon shook his head at the taller male's antics and just focused back on the view. But there was also a large smile now etched on his face as he felt the older male lean closer making their shoulders bump.  
After a few minutes of just gazing, he turned towards the taller male only to find that the other looking intently at him with a small smile in his face.  
"Why are you looking at me?" he said. A little embarrassed at how close the taller male was looking right at him, Jihoon tried (but failed) to ignore his fluttering heartbeats.  
"Because I never knew how much I missed your smile until I've seen it again." the taller male said cheesily, his mouth set into a wide smile.  
He feigned a shudder - trying to look unamused, "Why are you so cheesy hyung?" he said trying to divert his attention back to the view but finding it difficult to do so since the taller male is still watching him very intently.  
"Hyung, stop looking at me and just look at this amazing view!" he said gesturing vaguely at something in front of him.  
"But I am, I am looking at the prettiest view I've seen." he said still looking straight at Jihoon, and -  
_UGH JIHOON CALM DOWN_ , he internally chanted to himself.  
Then he felt a hand take his, enveloping it into familiar warmth from the taller male’s larger hands.  
And right then, all the emotions burst inside Jihoon like fireworks, all of the times he had spent thinking and worrying about the older male. The moments when he wanted nothing but to run to Seoul and bury himself into the older male's warm embrace. The times when he just wanted to say how much he is in love with this wonderful man beside him. He visibly relaxed and was fully enveloped into a sense of comfort, because this is Choi Seungcheol - the longest friend he had ever had and, quite possibly, the only person he may ever love.  
His heartbeats steadied but still thundered loudly inside his chest, the butterflies had stopped flailing inside his stomach only calmly flying in the space inside it and he mind completely blanked out except for one emotion.  
He is in love, with this incredible man beside him.

With Choi Seungcheol.  
It did not overwhelm him at all, instead he felt incredibly happy that he just wanted to shout it out for everyone to hear. He did not even feel any slightest hint of hesitation or embarrassment or anything. He just knew that he wants to say it to the taller male.  
"I love you Choi Seungcheol."  
The taller male did look slightly taken aback and a faint flush colored his cheeks. For once, the older male was left speechless and shocked, but there was also wonder and love within those chocolate brown orbs.  
It took a moment for Seungcheol to gather himself before he was practically bursting with happiness.  
He looked so giddy and happy that Jihoon did not know why he hadn't said it earlier. If those three words have made the older male this happy, he would have said it sooner.  
Then he sobered up and gazed deeply into Jihoon's eyes, cupping his face with his free hand as if he was holding something so precious. Jihoon had never felt this important and loved. And what made it more special was that it was Seungcheol who made him feel all of this, the man he loved dearly to heaven and back. And he just wants the older male to feel the same feeling that he is feeling right now.  
And so Jihoon stood on his tiptoes to plant for a soft kiss on the older male's lips. It was just a faint brushing of lips but to him it felt like an eternity as he felt the spark from his lips up to his toes.  
Just as their lips separated, Seungcheol leaned down to follow Jihoon's thin ones and kissed him deeper.  
As soon as they parted to let air in their lungs, the taller male sent him a wide smile and whispered back.  
"I love you too Jihoon."  
  
["I knew you just wanted to make out there." Jihoon said playfully as they walked out the park with hands still linked together. They both have silly happy smiles on their faces and both their cheeks are blushed with pink.  
"Hey you're the one who kissed me first." the taller male said smugly as he watched the blush spread up to Jihoon's neck and splutter a reply.  
"SHUT UP HYUNG."]  
  
5  
Jihoon did not know what to do.

He is in third year college when everything fell apart.

He honestly did not see it coming, one moment him and Seungcheol were both happy and in love. He must’ve been too blinded by how perfect everything is that he did not see the way the older male distanced himself from Jihoon little by little.

From the dwindling number of cuddles to the alarming decrease in handholding, backhugging and basically everything Seungcheol liked to do to Jihoon (and everything Jihoon secretly likes that Seungcheol does).

Looking back, he should’ve known the way the older male dodged questions about his day and whatnot, the way he sports that morose and grim look whenever he thinks no one is looking and finally, the way he seems to be so tired and politely decline his invitations whenever Jihoon wants to go out or even watch a movie. He brushes it all away, thinking that the male is probably too tired especially with the stress of being in med school.

But it was not until that one day that Jihoon finally saw the cracks that were starting to form in their otherwise perfect relationship. It started on a Sunday. The older male just seemed really quiet and out-of-sorts during one of their study sessions in Jihoon’s dorm. Books, notebooks, papers and gadgets are scattered around the floor making a mess of notes and whatnot. They were seating in front of each other, doing their school works separately. It was not until he saw Seungcheol’s face that he realized that the taller male was probably thinking about something he hadn’t told Jihoon yet. He looked so blanked out that when Jihoon called him he jumped and looked at Jihoon with an emotion he rarely sees in the older male’s eyes, guilt.

Jihoon’s insides went cold, his stomach churned uncomfortably as he assessed the older male’s consequent actions. Seungcheol laughed nervously and ruffled Jihoon’s hair to divert the attention.

But Jihoon can’t help but overthink and overanalyze that small moment of guilt in the taller male’s face.

 _Could Seungcheol be ch_ -? Jihoon immediately cast that thought aside. No, he was going to find out whatever the taller male has been brooding upon. No matter what it is.

So he took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind of all the possibilities, purposely ignoring that one possibility the pessimistic part of his brain has been shouting all the while.

_No, he can’t be cheating on me._

 

♥♥

 

He tried talking about it with Seungcheol, he really did. But the older male was so stubborn in keeping it a secret that Jihoon became so angry they fought.

 

_“Seriously Ji, it’s nothing. You’re probably just imagining things.” Seungcheol said, his lips were spread akin to a smile but he definitely knows whenever his bestfriend/boyfriend is faking a freaking smile. And this is one of this time._

_“Hyung, why are you even lying? I can see that you’re trying to hide something from me.” He snapped, he was clenching his fists hard so as to try and calm himself._

_“I really don’t know what you’re talking about, Ji. You must be dreaming, go to sleep now princess you have an early class tomorrow.” The taller male said without pause or any hint of playfulness and mirth. He almost sounded robotic to Jihoon’s ears._

_“Fine.” The shorter male snapped, “Then get out, I don’t need this right now. I don’t want to spend my time wondering what the fuck happened to my freaking boyfriend when clearly he doesn’t want to tell me anyway.” He seethed as he stood up to gather his stuff and slam them onto his desk._

_He watched as the taller male silently gathered his things and put it into his backpack. His head was downturn making it difficult to see his expression. Then the older male looked up, giving Jihoon a slight now and walked towards the door without saying anything._

_Jihoon wanted to catch up to the taller male, make him stop from leaving or maybe even hold his hand, but he finds himself unable to even move. His feet were immobile, as if glued onto the floor, his throat is not working properly hindering him from saying anything. Thus, he slowly watched as Seungcheol opened the door and made his way out of Jihoon’s dorm room, without saying or doing anything._

_That was when Jihoon collapsed onto his bed, sobbing quietly even if no one is in the room to hear him._

_It was the first time, since him and Seungcheol became friends, that Lee Jihoon cried because of Seungcheol._

Needless to say, when his roommate arrived 2 hours later, he found Jihoon – whose eyes were bloodshot – sitting on the foot of his bed as his sobs dwindled down into silent tears which are streaming down his face.

If there is one good thing about being roommates with Jeon Wonwoo, it was that he waits for people to tell him things they clearly have a hard time to say. That was why, when he sat down beside Jihoon - still tear stained – and just silently offered comfort through company and silent patting on the back. Jihoon would vehemently deny it now but at that time he can’t help the upsurge of emotions rising up at him that he cried even harder, now burying his head in his knees in an attempt to hide himself from everyone.

It took a few moments, maybe hours before Jihoon’s sobs finally calmed down into a quiet calm. His eyes were hurting from too much crying and his mind desensitized from any kind of emotion, as it replays the way Seungcheol just left and turned his back against him.

It was then that he rambled to Wonwoo about what happened, from the start up until the time Seungcheol walked out of that door. His roommate was listening attentively, offering hmm’s and aahh’s as an indicator that he is listening. When Jihoon finally finished talking they were enveloped with the silence of the night. Jihoon found himself feeling a bit lighter now that he said it. Of course, his heart is still breaking into tiny pieces. But it just felt so good to share with a friend.

“Thank you Wonwoo.” He said after a few beats of silence.

Then, his roommate patted his back “No problem Jihoon.”

He can see that Wonwoo is now trying to formulate things to say or questions to ask. Thus, he braced himself with whatever question the tall male will throw at him.

“So what will you do now?”

Jihoon heaved a deep sigh, “I don’t know.”

 

♥♥

 

“What?” Soonyoung shouted through the phone, making Jihoon wince at the shrill sound of static and Soonyoung’s voice combined.

After a day of avoiding Seungcheol (which was not difficult since they literally go to opposite sides of the campus, him being in the Arts Building while Seungcheol is in the Medicine Building. He decided to call Soonyoung to tell him what happened.

“You and Seungcheol fought? For real?” he said disbelievingly.

“Yes Soonyoung, did you not hear what I just said.” He said exasperated and a little irritated. Then he heard his friend took a deep breath.

“Alright Jihoon, tell me what happened.”

And so he did. Frankly, it was less difficult to recount it now. Sure there were moments when he had to choke back a sob and stop speaking for a while. Thankfully, his friend understood the severity of the situation and was serious in listening to Jihoon.

“Do you really think he is cheating on you?” Soonyoung said after Jihoon asked him about his opinion.

“I honestly don’t know. How should I know if he doesn’t even want to talk about it?” he answered, frustration lacing in his voice but more than that, he had never felt more helpless.

“I really don’t think it’s possible for Seungcheol-hyung to cheat on you. He is clearly head-over-heels for you!” Soonyoung said, making Jihoon take a deep breath to calm himself and not break down. He doesn’t want to cry anymore.

“I just – I can’t help but think that he might just get tired of me someday. You know me, I’m not affectionate and I don’t like any type of skinship. Even up until now I can’t reciprocate everything he has given me. And he has given me so much Soonyoung. I just can’t help but think that one day he’ll realize that I’m not the one for him, and he’ll find someone else who can give back all the love that he can give.” He whispered, as he forcefully wiped the traitorous tears streaming down his face.

“Jihoon-ah,” his bestfriend softly whispered, making Jihoon close his eyes and just bask in the familiarity of it all. He can imagine Soonyoung, without the playfulness, trying to gently comfort him like the way he did when he sat beside Jihoon on their first day as classmates in first grade.

“I know this is hard, but you have to talk things out with Seungcheol. Tell him about how you feel, and then ask him about your suspicion. If he says he doesn’t then try to find out why he has been acting that way. SHH-“ Soonyoung stopped as he sensed that Jihoon was about to interrupt him, “- let me finish. I know you can do it Jihoon, you have gotten so far. And you’ve been friends with Seungcheol for so long, you’ll know what to do. But if he is indeed cheating, then call me and I’ll personally go there to punch him right in the face and kick his most precious part hard. Don’t worry I’m in the same taekwondo team as him so I know his weakness.”

This made Jihoon laugh weakly despite all the emotions consuming him. This is the reason why he called Soonyoung, his friend never fails to make him laugh.

He heaved a deep sigh as he tried to strengthen his resolve.

“Thanks Soonyoung.” He gratefully whispered.

“Anytime, Ji.”

 

♥♥

 

He knew he told Soonyoung that he will talk about this with Seungcheol. But then he did not say he will talk about it immediately. Thus, three more days passed without him meeting or contacting Seungcheol.

Except for that one time when Seungcheol texted him a short _‘Can we talk?’._ He received it at the second day of avoiding Seungcheol. Needless to say Jihoon was scared of meeting the older male that he postponed his plan of talking to his boyfriend just a few more days.

However, at the fourth day he saw something he had been dreading since the day he and Seungcheol fought.

The older male was in front of him, clad in white hospital robe. He was walking and laughing with a long haired pretty male who was also clad in a hospital robe. They seemed to look so happy and perfect that Jihoon felt the last piece of his heart shatter into tiny little pieces on the floor.

He didn’t know where he got all the strength to walk towards Seungcheol with rage and just punched him in the gut.

[Though he knew it wasn’t that strong, since the older male just slightly yelped and did not curl on the floor like he wanted to see. He still felt a tad bit better, but not really relieved.]

“I hate you.” He whispered watching the way Seungcheol’s eyes widen and all saw pain in those beautiful dark brown orbs.

He ran away before even saying more. He just ran and ran aimlessly. He entered the Arts Building and just sprinted towards the stairs. Up and up until he reached a steel door that is unlocked. He pushed it open with a loud creak and climbed towards the rooftop.

He found this place in his second year, during which he wanted a place that is quiet and peaceful to help him find inspiration for his project. He feels suffocated in any of his classrooms and sometimes even inside his own dorm room. But when he found out about this place, he had never felt more comfortable than when he moved to the city. This place reminds him of the quietness and calm in Busan. There are no rowdy students, no loud honking cars, no overwhelming throes of people, just him and the soft wind caressing his face.

But as he tried to calm himself now, he can’t do anything but picture his boyfriend and that other male looking so perfect. It hurts. His heart just hurts everytime he thinks about it. And he’s just so tired of crying that he feels like he’s just gasping for air without any tears falling down his cheeks anymore.

He heard the steel door rattle and open, it creaked loudly as someone clearly opened it and climbed towards the rooftop.

Then he saw familiar pair of shoes in front of him.

How could he have been so stupid?

Of course Seungcheol knows this place, he told his boyfriend about this. This is Seungcheol’s hiding place as much as it is Jihoon’s. He does not want to meet the older male’s scrutiny, afraid of what he might see in his boyfriend’s eyes.

_Where did everything go wrong?_

He tried to compose himself enough to tell the older male that they should break up, but the taller male beat him into talking.

“So I guess, you knew?” the older male asked tentatively. The air was filled with too much tension and awkwardness that wasn’t present in the years that they have been together.

“I kind of already guessed about it before.” He answered, surprised by the stability of his voice. Maybe he can do it without breaking down in front of Seungcheol.

Seungcheol took a sharp breath and let it out in a deep long breath. He seemed to be trying to gather his thoughts into words, “So what do you want me to do?” he finally said after a moment of consideration.

Honestly, Jihoon doesn’t know whether this guy is so dense or he just want to torment Jihoon even more. What does he want to do? Seriously?

“Do you want to know what I want to do? I want to punch and kick you and just hurt you as much as I did for these past few days. I want to make you feel what I felt when you just walked out of that door. I want you to cry the tears that I shed for you. But most importantly I just want to go back in time when everything was right. Back when you still loved me and when you still think that I’m enough.” He didn’t have any strength to hold his emotions any longer so he just slumped back to his knees, curling into himself.

“W-what? I don’t understand. What are you talking about Jihoon?” the older male sounded genuinely confused, either he really is confused or he’s just gotten really good at acting.

“You’re cheating on me!” he finally shouted. He stood up and looked at Seungcheol straight in the eye. Waiting for the dreaded confirmation that indeed Seungcheol does not love him anymore and has sought love from another person.

“What? No I wasn’t!” Seungcheol looked genuinely shocked and confused and a little bit lost.

“Don’t deny! You- you’re so distant and you looked guilty and now I’ve seen you with that pretty long haired male earlier!!” Jihoon was getting pretty annoyed, was Seungcheol even thinking about lying to him after all this time?!

“I wasn’t cheating on you Jihoon! I swear it on my life. And that person you saw was just a classmate, he was my lab partner and we were buddies in one subject. I’m not lying to you Jihoon, please believe me.” He said, his hands are gripping Jihoon’s shoulders tightly. His eyes, as expressive as it is, looked at him pleadingly.

Jihoon slowly nodded in slight acquiescence. He felt like the heaviest thing weighing on his chest was lifted up, relieving him from the crushing grief. But he wasn’t letting this go.

But before he can say anything, he was crushed in a big warm hug by none other than Choi Seungcheol. He never knew how much he missed this up until it all came back to him. The hard lines of Seungcheol’s body perfectly melding into his. He reciprocated the hug and tightly held onto the older male’s waist, relishing everything on this exact moment.

“I’m so sorry Jihoon. I never knew you felt like that all this time. I’m so sorry that I made you cry even if I had promised that I will never make you shed even one tear. I’m so sorry I made you feel like that. I’m so sorry Jihoon.” The older male continued chanting words of apology. Burying his face in Jihoon’s hair and just holding him close.

It was at this moment that he let himself be consumed by the heat that was brought by Choi Seungcheol, the warm comfort that he had missed for these past few days. The strong body held against his, reassuring him that the older male is still here. He hasn’t left Jihoon yet, that he still loves the smaller male.

“I love you Jihoon. I love you so much. I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to make you feel it more. But I really do. You’re the only person I need. I don’t want anybody else but you.” The older male still continued saying sweet words of reassurance to Jihoon’s ears. He felt so stupid for even thinking that the older male can do that to him, for not trusting his boyfriend’s love for him.

“It’s not because of you Seungcheol. It’s just that up until now I can’t believe that you chose _me_. Me, who is awkward and unsociable. Me, who can’t even do things normal couples do. And that you, of all people, love me so much. I just thought that one day you might get tired of waiting for me.” There, he finally said all the nagging thoughts inside his head.

“Oh Jihoon, you shouldn’t be feeling that way, you are perfect to me. You’re the only person I need and I will never get tired of you, no matter how hardheaded, pessimistic, sassy and awkward person you can be.” Jihoon can’t help but laugh at the older male’s attempt to cheer him up.

“Are you trying to comfort me or insult me?” he said, his cheeks upturned into the widest smile he have had in days.

“Of course I was complimenting you. You are perfect to me. No matter what you do. I will never think of cheating on you.” The taller male said with full conviction and as confident as he was always.

 “Then why were you acting that way?” he said weakly – whispering it through the fabric of Seungcheol’s shirt, his strength now slowly leaving him which made him look and feel so vulnerable.  

“That’s because I wasn’t telling you something that I think will freak you out if I did say it. I thought you finally found out considering the way you tried to talk it out of me the day before and the way you punched me earlier.” The taller male pulled away slightly (and no Jihoon did not whine in protest), his eyes looking directly into Jihoon’s. And there it was again the same expression he saw on Seungcheol’s face that triggered this all. But he also saw that emotion with another one, uncertainty.

“What are you even talking about?” he snapped, this whole thing is not making sense anymore.

“I got a scholarship in Johns Hopkins University, they will send me there to partake in a research and to finish my studies there.” The older male finally said, his eyes are unsure and questioning as if he was gauging Jihoon’s reaction.

Each and every word uttered by Seungcheol made Jihoon heave a relieved breath. God all those times he spent crying and being miserable was just because of a misunderstanding?

“That’s great hyung! Why didn’t you just tell me about that earlier? It could have saved us from the misunderstanding!” he said, giddy and happy for Seungcheol, but he noticed that there is still that morose, brooding look on the older male’s face.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, noting the way the older male’s face turned serious. He looked at Jihoon so closely that he can feel the older male’s stare.

“I have to leave Korea Jihoon, for three years.”

 

♥♥

 

8:10 AM

“Calling passengers of Flight SF3456 to San Francisco, you should now board the plane.” the voiceover called, her voice echoing through the whole building.

Jihoon looked around, noticing the way the sunlight bounced off through the windows of the airport. He was currently sitting at the chairs in the waiting area, surrounded by luggages and bags.

“Honey, are you alright?” Seungcheol’s mom sat next to him, holding two cups of coffee. She handed him the other one, drank on the cup in her hand.

“I’m fine auntie.” He tried to smile, he really did. But he has a feeling that it didn’t really reach his eyes. She looked at him gently, patting his back as a sign of comfort.

Seungcheol and his dad came back from wherever they went to. His boyfriend looked quite sullen and serious. They walked towards him and Seungcheol’s mom.

“Hey son. Are you okay?” Jihoon’s father clapped his back as a form of greeting. Both of his parents are in Incheon to see their son off before he leaves. He nodded as an answer sent a small smile towards Seungcheol’s dad.

His boyfriend, went straight towards him and sat on his other side. He leaned his head on Jihoon’s shoulder a little too tiredly. Ever since Seungcheol told him about the news a month ago, and Jihoon practically coerced Seungcheol into accepting the scholarship grant, they had been busy preparing for Seungcheol’s departure.

Even if it is really difficult for Jihoon to agree to Seungcheol leaving to the US to study, but he has to do it. He knows that this is going to be really difficult for them and their relationship but Seungcheol has to do it. The older male has to do it for his future.

“Are you alright Ji?” the older male whispered, his head burying deeper into Jihoon’s shoulder whilst his body shuffling closer to Jihoon’s.

He hummed and nodded, not finding any strength to say anything else. He fears that when he tries to say anything his voice is going to break anytime.

They shared a moment of companionable silence, the only sound they can hear is the announcer’s voice and the buzzing of people going here and there.

Then he felt a large hand enveloping his, that same warm hand he grew to know. Those –now- calloused hands are taking his smaller ones. He checked his wristwatch which read 8:17 AM. Thirteen more minutes before the taller male had to check in for his flight. He closed his eyes and basked in this moment of being with his boyfriend and bestfriend.

 _This going to be all right. It’s all going to be fine_. It’s just three years, just three years without Choi Seungcheol beside him.

_God why is this so difficult?_

He took a deep breath to keep his tears at bay. He didn’t want to cry right now, it is just going to be hard for the both them. But just as he swallowed to relieve the way his throat closed up, he felt something wet on his shoulders - right where Seungcheol’s head is.

He felt the taller male grip tighten and small sob was heard from his boyfriend. Seungcheol buried his head deeper, and at this moment he felt how difficult it is for the older male. This time he felt like he had the opportunity to comfort the older male. So he adjusted his body and wrapped his shoulders around Seungcheol’s much larger body. He ran his hands in Seungcheol’s black hair, gently and silently offering comfort.

“I’m scared Ji.” The older male whispered ever so softly that Jihoon nearly missed it.

“We can do this Seungcheol. We’ll survive this.” He kept chanting, running his hands on Seungcheol’s dark locks and pressing a soft kiss on the top of his head, just like the way the older male does when he comforts Jihoon.

“I have faith in us. I really do. We’re going to get through this. Three years is not that long, you can go home in your break. Or I can save money to go there and visit you.” He continued whispering words of comfort, both for him and Seungcheol, and with every word he says he felt like he can believe it.

They’ll get through this. It is not going to be that hard.

“I’m going to miss you so much Jihoon.” Seungcheol whispered through the fabric of Jihoon’s shirt. His voice unwavering and full of steadfast conviction that he had always admired about his boyfriend.

“I’m going to miss you too Seungcheol.” He whispered back, burying his face in Seungcheol’s smooth locks.

The older male looked up and stared straight into Jihoon’s eyes. There were unshed tears in the older male’s eyes, and dried-up tears in his cheeks. But as he looked at the older male, he figured that he had never seen the most perfect person in this world. And that this guy his.  

“Calling passengers of flight LA2201 to Los Angeles, you are now called to check in for your flight.” They looked up as the announcer repeated the announcement. Seungcheol’s flight is now being called.

This is it.

The older male stood up and hugged both his parents, refusing to let go of Jihoon’s hands. So Jihoon followed the taller male and watched him talk to his parents. He saw Seungcheol’s mom shed tears and his father was trying to comfort his wife but was crying himself.

“I’m so proud of you son.” His father said and as he saw the older male’s wide grin, he knew that it was the best decision.

Then Seungcheol turned towards him, grin slowly disappearing into a soft, gentle smile.

“I love you Jihoon.” He said closing the distance between the two of them, the taller male closing into his own smaller figure. He looked up to stare at the taller male’s eyes.

Then he closed his eyes as Seungcheol leaned down and took Jihoon’s lips into his in a gentle kiss.

“I love you too Seungcheol.” He said as they part.

The last call for Seungcheol’s flight was announced, which signaled Jihoon to slowly let go of the warm hand in his.

But just before he fully let go, he tiptoed and pressed another soft kiss in the older male’s lips – a silent way for him to say that he’s going to wait for his boyfriend. This time, he is the one who is going to wait, he’s going to wait until he can finally stay beside his beloved boyfriend hopefully for forever.

With a soft squeeze, he let go of the older male’s hands. But not without a silent promise to himself that he once he got the chance to hold those hands again, he’s never going to let it go again.

 

**END**

 

 

+1

 

Seungcheol feels like he’s going to jump out of his body. He had just gotten off his plane back to Seoul.

His scholarship is finally done and he is now back to Seoul after three long years. He had never felt this excited and giddy to be back, because finally he is back for good. And he is not going to leave again. Not without the one person who made all of this possible.

The person who had always supported him and had silently been there for him ever since that one fateful day in his mother’s school.

That one person who made everything alright just by his mere presence. That person who has the most beautiful and the sweetest smile in the entire world.

Lee Jihoon.

He missed his boyfriend so much, he’s heart yearning to see that sweet smile, to hold that small body against and to feel those soft lips against his.

He knew he must be smiling silly as he walked out of the gates but all he can think about is how he is going to see his boyfriend again. And sure they saw each other during the last year’s Christmas break but it is never really enough. And this time is different because he is back for good.

He looked around the sea of people, trying to find that familiar face amongst the throes of strangers waiting to see their own loved ones.

He looked at his wristwatch which read 8:30 AM, they agreed to meet at the gate at this time. However, he saw no trace of the younger male among the people around him.

He pouted slightly, feeling a little put out. Maybe Jihoon is a little late. Or maybe there is traffic.

But then just as he was about to call his beloved boyfriend, he felt a smaller familiar hand take his from behind him.

He turned around and sure enough he saw the person he had been waiting to see.

There, in front of him, is his boyfriend, his bestfriend, the love of his life, Jihoon.

He can’t control the big smile on his face as he closed the distance between them. And by the looks of it, Jihoon also can’t, considering that the younger male’s face is plastered with the happiest and sweetest smile he had ever seen on his face, lighting up his face in a bright glow. Seungcheol swore that smile can rival the sunshine.

He squeezed their joined hands to ground himself, to make sure that it is real - that the person in front of him is, indeed, Jihoon. And that this is not just a dream.

“Are you looking for me?” the younger male said playfully, making Seungcheol laugh loudly and sigh at the way his heart filled up with all those emotions he missed for this past three years.

Love and pure unadulterated adoration for this gorgeous male in front of him.

“You are the person I have been looking for.” He answered, leaning in towards the smaller male up until their faces are inches away from each other.

“Good thing I found you then.” Jihoon answered, to which Seungcheol tried to answer, he really did. But he was distracted by those pink lips moving just hairsbreadth away from his.

“That’s good.” He can feel the low vibrations in his throat as he whispered lowly towards Jihoon’s lips. He wrapped his other arm around Jihoon’s petite waist and pressed their bodies closer.

As he took Jihoon’s lips into his in a passionate kiss, he thinks that he will never let this guy go.

Because, all he knew is that he was made to love this amazing man in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Well isn't that too cheesy or what? OTL. im so sorry for this.  
> ANW, I know I haven't exactly been responsive to comments in any of my stories (bec I can be a bit awkward and unsociable even in the internet) but I promise you I will try to be better at it. So please leave comments and I'll try to answer it as un-awkward as possible.  
> or if you want you can shout at me in my twitter @iamsejinma (I BADLY NEED JICHEOL MUTUALS )  
> THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. ILYSM *hugs*


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